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What else can you 'be' when you don't want to be positive

These days it’s hard to be positive about certain things. With the pandemic and people losing their lives and jobs this year. We are constantly bombarded with negative news on Television and Social Media. During these stressful times, it's hard to be positive.

Sometimes it feels like - you do not want to be positive. Not right now. Not when things are going wrong all around you.

Every day looks like the one before. There aren’t many new exciting things going on. We are all scared and nervous about the future.

There are these days when things are not going right with you and then if someone says “why are you being so negative? Just be positive!” Even though they mean well and you know it, you still have punched them in the face… In your imagination! Of course, I cannot do it in reality.

“Be positive” is such dumb advice. I mean seriously… What does that even mean? Ignore all the problems going around and pretend everything is okay? I don’t get it.

So I was thinking about the advice “be positive” and was wondering what else can we replace that with?

The first thing that we can be is compassionate. Extend kindness towards ourselves. It's not self-pity or feeling bad about yourself. It's about not being harsh with ourselves that we are most of the time. It is about being kind towards yourself, treating yourself as we would to a friend going through the same situation. We can all practice self-compassion instead of thinking hurtful things about ourselves and making the situation even worse.

We also need to remind ourselves that - I am not alone in this. I don't have to do this alone, all by myself. I can connect with others. I can wish all of us healing.

Instead of using this event as a reason to disconnect from everyone I can use it as a way to feel empathetic for everyone around me going through the same thing and wish that we all heal together.

This feels good actually. And this feeling that you are not alone is soothing.

We can also seek support. We can talk to our close ones about what we are feeling and (stop them before they say “be positive”) try to do some activity together. Something that will lead to a happy time spent together.

Like playing a game of cards, or board games, or just talking at night, or having a pizza and a movie night.

Feeling connected with others really helps us. So does talking about what we are feeling. And if no one is available, writing down about how we feel also helps.

You can also listen to music and read good books or watch good movies. Orrrr….. Sleep! It's like how you switch off mobile, you switch off yourself from all the problems you are currently facing. And when you wake up, mostly that irritable feeling is gone. (It's because your brain is in a fresh state of mind now and can see the situation from different perspectives)

This is the takeaway message of this article – You don’t always need to be positive. It's okay to be negative at times, it's okay to cry. It's okay to not be okay. Just remember there is always a healthier approach you can select. And when you are ready, choose something that will be good for you in the moment and also in the long run. Please remind yourself that this too shall pass. You all are doing great!

"Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs." - C. JoyBell C.


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